Running Away

I’ve spent most of my life running from who I am: a gay man. And what has it gotten me? Heartache, disease, hangovers, and—ultimately, I believe—cancer. I drank, cursed God, and even read Playboy for the articles. In short, nothing good.  

I'm reminded of this recently because of two things.  One, the movie “Love, Simon”. There are two scenes that move me every time I watch them. One, with his mother…”You can exhale now, Simon.” And the other with his father…”I thought maybe we could join Grindr together.” “You don’t know what Grindr is, do you?” 

The other is watching Pete Buttigieg running for president--with his husband in tow. They express their affection and love openly and with no sense of shame whatsoever, believing that this is how God made them. It does my heart good to see such a smart, talented gay man not afraid to show who and what he is. 

Am I more at peace with all that now? I think so, but yet in some ways I continue to hide portions of myself. Don’t refer to myself in straight company as gay. Don’t comment on cute guys even with other gays.

Hiding yourself is a hard habit to break, and a destructive one. It eats away at your soul a little at a time, destroying everything in its wake. It says, “Yeah, I’m still not worthy.” This is the way God made me. It’s a gift from God that’s intended to help me through this life, I think. I’m not sure how that is or even what it means really. But it’s definitely something I need to continue to explore. 

Hate...In the Name of Jesus

The State Senate of Texas recently passed SB #17. It allows professionals licensed by the state to refuse service to anyone based on a "sincerely held religious belief."  This licensing includes, of course, doctors. In short, these so called "leaders" are using the banner of religious freedom as the basis to discriminate against anyone they don't like. And even worse, they're doing it in the name of the love of Christ.

The legislation has an exception for life or death situations and does not apply to the police.

The legislation is the brainchild of Lt. Governor Dan Patrick, a Republican.
"Senate Bill 17 will ensure that anyone can practice their profession in Texas without being forced to compromise their religious faith," said a spokesperson for the Lt. Governor.

The hate bill is apparently one of Patrick’s priorities. He has spent the the past few years rallying Christians in the state for a bill that would have forced transgender people to use the bathroom associated with the sex on their birth certificate.

The Licensing bill is overtly aimed at gays, and it could make it very difficult for the LGBTQ community in Texas to get health care, especially in rural areas. What, though, about doctors' Hipppcratic oath? "First do no harm (primum non nocere)." Do they not care anything about the oaths they've taken?

It's one thing to deny us a cake for our weddings but quite another to deny health care. "Don't kill them, just let them die." 

This extreme, non-Christian thinking is becoming the American "Sharia Law."  We must separate the idea of religious freedom from this fringe group of extremists. Franklin Graham and Jerry Falwell--and their merry band--are not Christian at all. They're haters. 

It's Good to be Alive!

I don’t know when it happened, but I’ve become a senior citizen. Cashiers don’t even ask anymore if I want the senior discount. They just give it to me. In my mind, I’m still the promising young “golden” boy. That, though, just has nothing to do with reality.

There are advantages. I feel more at peace with myself than perhaps at any other time in my life. I remember fighting to live, through my cancer treatment and recovery. And I did. I’m grateful. Grateful for even the blood cruising through my veins. If I had delayed going to the doctor for just another month, it might have been a different story. Life—young or old. It’s good to be alive.

High School Reunion...Mixed Feelings

Recently, I attended my 50th year high school class reunion, and I’m glad I did! I had a wonderful time. I must admit, though, I had not planned on attending, Mostly, I think, because I had forgotten how important the Latin School Of Indianapolis had been in my life. It gave me so much, not in terms of a specific career or anything like that, but instead it pointed me in the right direction.

*A respect for learning/education

*A respect for reading

*A desire to be in some sense of man of God

But still the overwhelming emotion that I associate with that time (and quite some time afterwards) was a sense of being alone. Not loneliness—for I played sports, had plenty of friends and did well enough academically. No, it was the personal demon of internalized homophobia. I spent way too much time in my life coming to grips with the fact that I am gay and it started, most definitely, during those high school years.

Still they were some of the best years of my life, and I’ll always member them fondly. I’m grateful for them and the people I learned to love, in my own way, and what they gave to me.

The Mueller Report--NOT a High Bar

I’m prepared to accept Robert Mueller’s conclusion that President Trump—and his campaign—did not conspire (collude) with Russia. I’m not sure how he arrived at that conclusion, but that just means we all need to see the Mueller Report for ourselves.

That conclusion, however, is not a high bar. Think about it. He’s saying that the president of the United States did not commit treason, conspiring with a foreign adversary to alter the results of the U.S. election. OK, he’s not a traitor.

At least on that count.

That, however, does not mean that he’s a good president. Nor even a good person. He still demonizes migrants trying to find a better life for their children; he has called white supremacists “many fine people”. That includes a group in Charlottesville shouting “Jews will not replace us.” And the Democrats are the anti-Semitic ones?

Trump’s very first Executive Order rescinded one from Obama that forbade coal companies from dumping their sludge in a community’s water source. How do the people in Flint, Michigan feel about something like that? How do you? His reason? Apparently, he thought it focused too much on coal companies. But remember, banks don’t have much sludge to dump.

His latest tact is to try to get the courts to rescind Obamacare completely, denying health insurance (and thus health care) to as many as 26 million people.

President Trump may not be a traitor, but that’s about the best one can say about him.