A Simple Dose of Reality

A Simple Dose of Reality

For quite some time now, I have assumed I’d somehow be exempt from the usual diseases and aches and pains associated with aging. I jogged, I told myself. Worked out. I at least tried to eat well; I take vitamins and supplements that should help keep me healthy.  Right? Afraid not.  

All that came crashing down when I was diagnosed with atrial fibrillation. When I asked the doctor what caused it, he said simply, “old age.”

So much for my assumptions, huh?

To put it mildly, I have been deluding myself. I should’ve known that I was certainly vulnerable.  After all, I had stage 3 stomach cancer in 1998.  That’s pretty vulnerable. Let’s face facts....for many years in my life I didn’t take good care of myself.  Smoke and drank—probably too much.  Maybe way too much. That takes a toll, and it’s certainly not something I’m proud of. More than likely, the cancer and its treatment continues to take a toll on my body. I’ll pay a price for those years of abuse—both physically and mentally. I wonder now if this afib is one of the prices I’m paying.

But I don’t feel old I say to myself.  But as a high school classmate friend recently told me, “I don’t feel old either, but my meds tell me I am.”

But wait, there’s more.

I’m also pre diabetic. Another doctor, another verdict.  He didn’t, though, make a big fuss about it.  “If you’re not diabetic,” he shrugged, “you’re pre-diabetic.”  What?

Thanks God for YouTube.  Video after video shows just how serious it can be and how frequently it moves into diabetes.  Plus, I know how bad diabetes is for your overall health.  I didn’t need to hear or read that, though.  I’ve seen the ravages diabetes has sown on several of my friends and relatives.

What can be done now? Maybe we all finally wake up one day and ask ourselves that question.  How can we delay the usual aches, pains, and diseases associated with aging. And am I willing to pay the price?

I read a book recently that explained exactly why we need exercise to stay healthy as we age—Younger Next Year. It’s a great book and I heartily recommend it. It points out that 70% of all the ills and aches and pains we associate with aging are “voluntary”.  That’s right.  You can skip a lot of that, if you’ll only pay the price.  And that price? Exercise. 

Why do we need to exercise?  Because, that's the way we're made. That's the way we've evolved. 

Ponce de Leon was right.  There is a fountain of youth.  Only we call it exercise.  That’s a good place for us to start.

Reality versus the joy of youth.

Everyday, it gets tougher to watch the evening news.  Each day, the screen is filled with devastating pictures of Ukrainian buildings bombed out by the Russians. Or with the heart-wrenching pictures of fathers saying good bye to their families at train stations or perhaps, the Polish border.  Many say they know they’ll never see their families again.

The Russians are bombing maternity wards and cancer hospitals.  And we watch.  Some still pictures remind many of the Nazis and World War II. 

Like I said, it’s getting tougher.

That’s one reason I so enjoyed watching the NCAA basketball selection show this week.  It was a break that we on the other side of the world get to enjoy. We’re not being bombed. The network’s remote shots showed the sheer joy of teams that actually got into the tournament.  The players cheered with delight and hugged each other as an entire stadium of fans watched with delight behind them.  They took “selfies” of the television screen that showed their schools in their particular bracket.

Of course, many of these teams will lose their very first game and go home.  They may know that deep in their hearts, but hope reigns supreme.  They’re in the game.

Hope brings us joy and a determination to “win” the game.  We can dream; we can hope.

We’re in the big show, but tomorrow we’ll say a prayer for Ukraine…and hope.

Blessed are the Merciful. Remember?

Why is it we never hear Evangelicals or their leaders speak publicly or preach about the Beatitudes? They’re quick, for instance, to condemn anyone for a perceived sin, no doubt. Or to refuse service to anyone that is perceived to impinge on their religious freedom.

Franklin Graham recently reminded Pete Buttigieg, Democratic candidate for president, that being gay is a "sin, something to be repentant of, not something to be flaunted, praised or politicized."

"He that is without sin among you, let him cast the first stone..."

Remember the Beatitudes? Apparently, this group of so-called Christians do not. 

Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy. Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God. Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God. Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

They could provide food, clothing, or shelter for the immigrants being held in cages along our Southern border. Jesus did. He cured the sick; healed the blind; and, fed the hungry. Even if they thought the immigrants should be quickly deported, they could make it their mission to give them soap so they could take a shower. Or perhaps milk for the children.

Jesus washed the feet of his apostles and would be the perfect example for this type of service mission.

And yet, what we hear is their discrimination attempts in the name of religious freedom. Evangelicals in this country should get back to the basics and read the gospels of Jesus Christ. They might be surprised.

The Gates of Hell Have Opened!

Sometimes, I feel as if the doors of Hell itself have opened, and Donald Trump somehow managed to escape. He lies. He spreads hate and sows discord, sometimes just for the sake of doing so. He cares nothing really about the country, about the future, only himself. 

But where is the church in decrying all of this? Where are the moral authorities asking us to see him as he really is? The Evangelicals? No, they’re like the Pharisees that stood and accused Christ. They’ve sold their souls for a Supreme Court nominee. Is it worth it? Is anything? 

Pope Francis has made a few stumbling attempts to point out the error of Trump’s ways, but they’ve been few and far between. I’m reminded of the song "American Pie," 

"…the church bells all were broken."

This man and his political party have become a cult of evil. We must stand up and fight. Not just for the White House and a new administration but for the very soul of our country. 

The future, as always, is in our hands.

OK, I Admit It

OK, I admit it. I’m an emotional man. I cry at movies, eye witness accounts of tragedies, and cat videos. For instance, I cry every time I see the proposal scene in “Crazy Rich Asians”.  “Wherever in the world you are, that’s where I belong.”

I also cry at the scenes in “Love, Simon” where his parents tell him they still love him. His dad tells him, “I thought we could sign up for Grindr together.” “You don’t know what Grindr is, do you?”

No, he doesn’t.

I also cry when I see Mayor Pete and his husband express affection for each other on the campaign trail. I had such a hard time coming out that it does my heart good to see such a talented, smart gay man vie openly for the presidency. He’s completely unashamed of who and what he is, believing he is the way God made him.                            

I know it wasn’t easy for him to finally come out. In fact, it took deploying to a war zone before he took stock of his life (and quite possible death) and admit openly he was gay. As he said, he wanted to date.

I have no illusions that the LGBTQ community is universally accepted. Just look at  all the things Texas has done to our community, all in the name of their so-called Christianity. Still, Pete’s campaign is a step in the right direction.

And for that I’m grateful, even though it still makes me cry. 

Paths Across the Woods at Night

Paths across a woods at night
Lead me on through wrong and right.
I start on one, sensing light,
But find instead the dregs of night.

A tree provides my only rest,
Like a friend who hugs me to her breast.
And through the dark I hear the sounds
Of night and love in all around.

And gathering strength once again,
I start a path without an end.

Running Away

I’ve spent most of my life running from who I am: a gay man. And what has it gotten me? Heartache, disease, hangovers, and—ultimately, I believe—cancer. I drank, cursed God, and even read Playboy for the articles. In short, nothing good.  

I'm reminded of this recently because of two things.  One, the movie “Love, Simon”. There are two scenes that move me every time I watch them. One, with his mother…”You can exhale now, Simon.” And the other with his father…”I thought maybe we could join Grindr together.” “You don’t know what Grindr is, do you?” 

The other is watching Pete Buttigieg running for president--with his husband in tow. They express their affection and love openly and with no sense of shame whatsoever, believing that this is how God made them. It does my heart good to see such a smart, talented gay man not afraid to show who and what he is. 

Am I more at peace with all that now? I think so, but yet in some ways I continue to hide portions of myself. Don’t refer to myself in straight company as gay. Don’t comment on cute guys even with other gays.

Hiding yourself is a hard habit to break, and a destructive one. It eats away at your soul a little at a time, destroying everything in its wake. It says, “Yeah, I’m still not worthy.” This is the way God made me. It’s a gift from God that’s intended to help me through this life, I think. I’m not sure how that is or even what it means really. But it’s definitely something I need to continue to explore.